Below is an excerpt of my inner monologue. Don’t judge me.
AUTHOR: Jeremy, come back in the room. We aren’t done working on this chapter.
PROTAGONIST: No. I’m not talking to you.
AUTHOR: Seriously? You can’t leave the story without a resolution. Come back here. You are making me look bad.
AUTHOR: I’ll let you kiss Svetlina . . .
AUTHOR: Yes. I will totally let you make out with her. And she won’t try to kill you this time.
PROTAGONIST: You said that last time.
AUTHOR: I know, but this time I mean it.
PROTAGONIST: Do I get a cool sword?
PROTAGONIST: Why do I feel like there is a catch?
AUTHOR: Um. . .
PROTAGONIST: I KNEW IT! You are going to fuck up my life some more, aren’t you?
AUTHOR: Only for a little while. It gets better, I swear.
PROTAGONIST: I hate you.
AUTHOR: I know.
PROTAGONIST: You know you are insane, right?
PROTAGONIST: Okay. Fine. I will get back in this chapter, but you better make my sword badass. And no more making me look like an idiot.
AUTHOR: Riiight…. You will totally not look like a moron swing a sword wildly as the wolves converge on you. . .
PROTAGONIST: Goddamn it. I knew I shouldn’t trust you.
“I’m a writer. Therfore. I am not sane.”
– Edgar Allan Poe